I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
