If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
