12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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