Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
