Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
