smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
