I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
