I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.