there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
