she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
