Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
