They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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