I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
