My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
