First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
