last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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