I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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