3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
