FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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