her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
