i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
