I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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