I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
