I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
