I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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