Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
