It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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