help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
