drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
