If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
