Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
