I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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