I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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