he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
