If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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