Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
