i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
