Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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