I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
