He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
