I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
