my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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