The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
