did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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