I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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