Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
