hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
