Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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