guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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