I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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