I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
