just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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