omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
