Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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