She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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