So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
