whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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