At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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