I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
