hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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