Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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