The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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