i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i dont even know how to be here
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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