i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She bit a glass in half.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
