Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
