Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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