Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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