Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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