your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
