He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
