It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
