I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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