lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
