when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
