apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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