He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
