Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
