Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
