and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
